Strength

Finding strength amid the divorce process is terribly hard to do. Finding strength amid the divorce process while watching your spouse move to a new relationship seems even harder. Finding strength amid the divorce process, while watching your spouse move to a new relationship, while being the mommy to two little bitty babies (3 and 2) and considering the ramifications of this decision on their lives is sometimes debilitating. However, finding strength amid the divorce process, while watching your spouse move on to a new relationship, while being the mommy of two little bitty babies, while considering the ramifications of the divorce on those babies, and being significantly pregnant with (what was less than a year ago) your family's third child is at times crippling.

The daily tasks of preparing meals, running errands, play time, nap time, bath time, etc. are difficult for any mom - especially those of multiple toddlers. Your human strength quickly fails you after the 100th "no, we aren't going to do that right now" or "please listen to what mommy is telling you". Y'all know how busy these kids keep you! And y'all know many times it is a victory to make it through the day to bed time!

However, adding in the stress and strains of my divorce and pregnancy have worn on the strength I have to offer to my babies. Divorce is emotionally and mentally draining. Pregnancy is emotionally and physically draining. Add the two together and you have one pit of draining circumstances - emotionally, mentally, and physically. Then, you add in the stresses of daily life with toddlers, and y'all this is HARD! This set of circumstances seems so unfair at times!

I frequently wonder what my sweet parents must feel while watching their daughter and grand babies  tread through these waters - a path that they most definitely never wanted to happen. If at times I feel myself barely keeping my head above the flood, what must they see? And how it must break their hearts to watch their child and grand children go through this. (I know it would kill me to watch my own daughter walk this path!!)

And then I think of my Heavenly Father. How does he feel? Doesn't it pain Him deeply to watch his precious daughter and his little children suffer in such a way? Yes! No doubt it does! As I have said before, God is fully aware of my heartache. He is fully aware of the confusion and struggles my children feel. He is fully aware of the road that my babies and I are walking, and yet He has not chosen to remove it from beneath our feet. But, I have to remind myself that He can turn any situation into one that brings glory to Him. Instead of releasing my children and I from this, He has chosen to be our strength - to carry us through this time. And He will be glorified amid these circumstances!

"In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my life, my strength, my song."  

"I find my strength in Christ alone."

"Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord."

Each of these lyrics were part of our worship today at church. God knew I needed to be reminded that He is my only source of sustaining energy and strength! And that He promises to provide the exact amount of strength I need to make it through the circumstances of each and every day. 

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

    the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

    his understanding is unsearchable.

29 

He gives power to the faint,

    and to him who has no might he increases strength.

30 

Even youths shall faint and be weary,

    and young men shall fall exhausted;

31 

but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

    they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

    they shall walk and not faint."

Isaiah 40:28-31